Cow tipping, a fat kid or two and one sweet ass

Hello all, once again, I am still alive!

Now boys and girls, I’m going to tell you a story, a story of extreme cow tipping:

One day there was an innocent girl called Ana who met another girl called Stacey who tried to corrupt Ana with tales of cow tipping. (yes Stacey, that’s right, don’t think I forgot about the cow tipping!). When Ana didn’t believe Stacey, she asked Iain who told her he’d tried it and that it was really fun (but Ana had to clean that up because Iain has a mouth like a cop. Its FILTHY.). Anyway, as far as Ana can see, it doesn’t involve much more than beer and friends to create the following result:

LETS ALL GO CRAZY AND TIP THOSE COWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A little bit about Nick (’cause he said so…)

Just in case you didn’t know, Nick is my partner at work whose sole purpose is to torment me. Yes, wedgies and all.

So, a few weeks ago, Nick was feeling a little bit selfish and decided to work on his own (not really… I wanted the night off for something but anyway). I suppose you can gather from reading through a few of these posts, some of the people I work with are ones you’d probably rather not meet in a darkened alley…or just on the street… in the middle of the day… while you’re carrying a gun. Now usually, Nick is a big boy who can take care but when competing with a pipe-wielding maniac, he could have used a little help.

From what I’ve been told (by everyone apart from Nick, who doesn’t remember and believes that I kicked him in the head), the crazy beast hit the back of his head with the pipe. Now we’re not talking a little pipe, we’re talking a thicker than my wrist, heavy, metal one. See what happens when you don’t have a crazy girl with you to scare away fellow crazy people, Nick? you’d better see…

Nick wanted me to write this BECAUSE HE’S A BIG FAT ATTENTION WHORE and because Nick is a BIG FAT ATTENTION WHORE, he decided that it’d be too easy just to be knocked out for an hour or so and decided to leave it for four whole days. Yes, that’s right, the hobo spent four days asleep in a nice comfy hospital bed with people cuddling him. Well, maybe he was just too afraid to try the hospital food, was that it, Nick? You didn’t want to try the hospital food? or were you just trying to seduce me? (I was worried and I missed you really…)

Now I get to spend a few weeks without my partner while he’s sitting at home eating ice cream and watching some top quality day time TV. Tell me Nick, who am I going to sit with while I stretch gloves over my head like a chicken crest?

I have HUGE pants this week

• I really don’t like reporters

  I got caught be one of the naughty little creatures for the first time last week. It was shall we say, interesting. He wasn’t one I recognized from any where although he certainly had both the nosiness and the annoyance factor that made me want to punch him in his “special area.” So, I’m going about doing my job and he follows me while throwing as many questions at me as possible. I am, in fact, just there to do my job, not satisfy his curiosity, so, I thought for a second, put my thumb over my name on my ID and held it up so he could see… (I don’t want the naughty little thing having a name for this article, well at least not mine). He looked at it for a second, drooling slightly over the fact I was talking to him and then asked “Could you move your thumb please, I can’t see your name…” Not only was he naughty, he was cheeky too! “He’s cheeky but I can do better than that” I thought to myself as I moved my thumb off my name while I put my ID in my pocket. “There, is that better?” I say before walking away (with a big grin on my face that he couldn’t see!)

  Apparently I wasn’t the only one who found it funny!

• I went on a ride along…

  …and got barfed AND bled on. The barfing was a little kid with what I now know if food poisoning and the bleeding was some cripple who’d “accidentally” managed to catch and cut their hand by accident. This again just proves that my theory of white is correct. It is in fact, the single most cursed color on the planet! the problem with wearing white

• some other fun work related stuff:

  Things I have learned recently

  1. Just because your shift doesn’t start for another 25 minutes doesn’t mean you can’t get a call. Being somewhat unaware of this rule at the time, I found myself leaving for work without a coffee or breakfast. For those of you that don’t know, a hungry Ana is not a nice Ana but I did make it without eating any part of myself or my partner so I think I just about got away with that. Its only one call, right? I’ll have time to eat after, of course… Well actually…
  2. No, I didn’t have time to eat after, which brings me to my second point. If you have something to do after work, naturally something will come up so you don’t have time to do it. In this case, I managed to get home and make my coffee before I got another call and had to leave it on the side. Gosh darn it, I need my coffee! Why won’t people let me have my coffee! When I got back, I was almost prepared to drink the cold coffee just in case I wasn’t going to get a chance to make some more… I did though!
  3. Finally, just because your shift has finished, it doesn’t mean you’re going home. See, a call seven hours before the end of your shift really isn’t something that makes you wonder if you’re going to make it to the party after work however, sometimes, just sometimes, the universe likes to screw you over and give you something that will take as much time as is humanly possible. Yes, I had a call that lasted six hours after I was supposed to be going home. Sometimes criminals are so inconsiderate *rolls eyes*

  Just while we’re on the subject of work, to my co-workers who thought it appropriate to whistle and make comments about my “sweet ass,” it really is a shame none of you will be getting any… Did you truly believe something would come of it or was it just an attempt to “make the girl feel uncomfortable?” Either way, next time, the girl isn’t going to be so nice…

• Children…

  …are possibly the most annoying creatures on the planet. I was sitting enjoying my afternoon of hoboism (watching TV and doing as little as possible) when I hear one of the loudest, most spine tingling screams, ever. One of those screams that makes you freeze while you stop to listen to what’s going on and that I did… I paused and I waited… And I waited… And then I hear another scream. GREAT. JUST GREAT. I think to myself. This is supposed to be a nice part of town and yet it sounds as if someone is being murdered in the hall.

  So I do what any self-respecting mature person would do. I put on my “mean face,” opened my door and looked out into the hall to see a fat, red faced child running along screaming. There was of course, no reason for doing so, just that he was a fat, annoying child that wanted to be thrown out a window. (note: even if I was prepared to throw him out the window, this kid was so fat, he should have been rolling not running so there was no way I’d be able to pick him up). I’m stood there with my mean face and as the kid comes back towards me, I say with my mean “scary” voice “DON’T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE AND GIVE YOU A REASON TO SCREAM!”

  To the parents of the fat rolling child, you should be ashamed of yourselves. If you are going to create a monster, at least keep him locked in your basement so as not to disturb the nice people of Manhattan.

  

• and while we’re on the subject of being both fat AND annoying…

  I met a girl I went to school with this week. It was rather less enjoyable than sticking pins under my fingernails. Now I went to a fancy school where most of the kids were planning to “live off Daddy” for the rest of their lives and this girl was really no exception. We talked for a little while about things that we’d been doing etc… The stuff you have to do to make nice with someone who you’d really rather not be talking to. I’m sure you know the deal. Her only “successes” since she graduated have been gaining close to 100lbs, yes, she’s about 180lbs and very short (a ball of blubber if you will…) and having “Daddy” buy her a new car. She is really aiming for the stars!

  So then, this high flyer decided to look down her nose at me for choosing to work! Not just the fact I chose to work, the fact I chose something other than hairdresser or waitress. After all, as she so clearly told me, choosing such an “un feminine job” means I can never get a boyfriend (choosing to weigh 180lbs means you can never get a boyfriend either but at least I was polite enough to bite my tongue on the matter). I also had a nice lecture about how work was for “common people” and that it was “disgracing my family” by making them look “poor.” Honestly, I’m not sure if she was even joking…

Perverts and Weddings: You love it you minx, you.

Yes, Jenny, your boyfriend is bothering me!

So here’s the deal, I had to go and meet someone I work with this morning and since I hadn’t had much sleep, I walked to Starbucks to get a coffee before I went…
This is New York City, lots of coffee, lots of people… you get the idea. Anyway, a couple of blocks down the street the people that live in one of the apartments are having it redecorated and there are always painter people hanging around. Meh, just more people, right?

After I got my coffee I walked back the same way past that building and someone yelled something at me so I turned to look (I didn’t hear him ’cause I had my iPod turned up too loud) and there’s one of the decorator people standing grinning and waving at me… Ick *shudder*

It was one of those “walk a little bit faster…” moments and that’s just what I did. By the time I got to my apartment I’d pretty much forgotten it *until* I see the same asshole driving past in a truck with his friends and he was hanging out the window whistling and yelling stuff at me.

I wasn’t wearing anything different to the bazillion other people who live in this city, it wasn’t even a skirt… I had jeans, heels and a t-shirt on, I mean for the love of God, I’M OBVIOUSLY NOT WALKING AROUND WITH FLESH HANGING OUT FOR YOU TO OGLE. IF YOU REALLY MUST LOOK, DO YOU HAVE TO FUCKING WHISTLE AND CHASE ME AND MAKE A LOT OF NOISE ABOUT IT?

Next time, buddy, instead of putting those eyes back in your head, you’ll be pulling them out of your butt. kthx awesome.

My Day In London

As I mentioned here, I went to London for the weekend. I managed to get through the airport without causing too many problems because of my metal ribs (I have medical implants to hold me together… I’m a cyborg really!). I did get a few funny looks though but that might have been something to do with the fact I was wearing a bright pink “I’m with the bride” t-shirt in the classic “I’m with stupid” style. Okay, they could have been looking at me or any of the five other people who were also wearing them… After five hours of plane food, in-flight movies and turbulence, we arrived in London.

Just a few random trip related musings:

1. Hyde Park is just like Central Park only without the huge buildings surrounding it. Oh yeah, and it was full of English people instead of Americans!
2. I was standing talking to one of my friends after the wedding and a seven year old child, yes I did say SEVEN, managed to pick me up and run around with me before throwing me on my ass. Correct me if I’m wrong but maybe *I* should have been the one picking him up and throwing him around… I spent the rest of the day with random children attaching themselves to my legs and trying to do the same…
3. Pimms tastes really good. It gives you a really good sugar rush as well as getting you stupidly drunk. Before you ask, no, I wasn’t that bad… just a little bit giggly.
4. If you have a baby with you at a wedding, don’t go and get so drunk you can’t stand up because I don’t want to be taking care of it! As much as I love Ryan, having him barf down my top did make me feel slightly unwell. Surely he should be waiting until he’s 14 and sitting in the park drinking vodka out of a paper bag with his friends before he goes to vomit on someone’s breasts. I guess he’s just starting early… I’m never having children, ever
5. There were some Australian people at the wedding and my accent seems to be peeking out from behind the filthy, dirty American one I’ve developed. Australia > America… As for the English accent… I wouldn’t say no *hint*
6. Walking on grass in stiletto heels isn’t physically possible no matter how dry the ground is. “SOS I’M SINKING!” In case you’re wondering, I left the shoes wedged in the grass for the evening and walked around barefoot. I now have green feet and that’s AFTER an hour in the shower…

The flight home on the other hand, wasn’t quite so fun… Picture this, I’m a little bit drunk, my ribs hurt (flying seems to be a bit uncomfy) and I have to sit in a plane for SEVEN hours. I sniffled and went girly at the check in and I got an upgrade *evil smile* A first class flight for the price of a business class one isn’t too bad, eh?

MY PANTS ARE FULL AGAIN!

• Lets start with a little something from the “mail bag” or as its more formally known, THE COMMENTS PAGE THAT YOU SHOULD ALL GO AND POST YOUR COMMENTS ON
  

  Stacey on 10:33 PM
  I completely agree with the white shirt thing. The idiot(former boss) who decided on the white uniform shirts should be shot. After being barfed on, bled on, pooped on, and pretty much every other thing you can think of I finally decided, screw it I am wearing a blue shirt from now on and if you don’t like it fire me. So needless to say not only did I not get fired but I also haven’t had anyone deposit their bodily fluids onto my shirt.

  First, I think its both fitting AND mature to say “haha, you got pooped on.” Second, I have to admit, as good as white looks, it simply isn’t a practical color in the slightest. Anyone who says otherwise is deluding themselves. Okay well, if you’re treating Aliens with white blood, then maybe, just maybe, I’d change my mind but that’s the only exception I can think of… No matter how many times I wash my lab coat, it always looks dirty. *sulk*

• more comments because I’m wonderful!
  

  Bradley on 9:58 AM
  HEE HEE HEE.
  You had fun picking on that poor model, didn’t you ?

  I’m surprised that you of all people should comment on such a thing. After all, Bradlizard, are you or are you not the kid who said she’d have the perfect face for porn movies? I guess you’d be better informed on such matters, eh?

• While we’re talking about porn, we found around 400 HOURS of porn on some guys computer which all has to be watched. I’m sure there are plenty of people who’re going to volunteer their services - provided hands aren’t necessary *sly face*

Mumble Grumble

Oh no! The world didn’t end…

I just thought I’d point out that I’m posting this on June 13th so obviously the world didn’t end. Sorry to disappoint you! Anyway, in the spirit of the apocalypse I had to work Tuesday night. While I didn’t find myself cleaning up after Satan, I did get to spend the evening fingerprinting some moody Goth kids. The very religious lady who lived across the hall decided that when her apartment got broken into, it MUST have been those “terrible” Goth kids across the hall… You can all see where this is going! The kids were a lot nicer than I was expecting but out of the 10 of them, not ONE managed to crack a smile… They did tell me all about the devil and one of them gave me a satanic bible though! Uh, what can I say… it made for “interesting” reading…

Linux iPods are just that much cooler…

I’ve been thinking about putting Linux on my iPod nano for a while and I’ve finally done it! *waits for applause* Installing it wasn’t very difficult, the installer works just like the regular iPod updater which is handy! It doesn’t look quite as nice as the regular operating system (or whatever its called) *but* there are always skins for that. Also, you don’t lose your original operating system, it’s just partitioned off and you can pick whether you boot into the apple thing (which still has all your songs and such on) or if you boot into Linux.
Double booting iPod… It’s cool but not quite cool enough so I did a little more digging and now, my little baby iPod nano plays videos. I’ve just finished watching extreme makeover, thankyouverymuch.

Okay so now I have a double booting iPod nano that plays videos and I didn’t think that could possibly get better until I found iDOOM. Oh yes, there is nothing like playing a little doom on your iPod.

White is the color of the cursed…

Why is it, whenever I choose to wear anything white, someone will ruin it with vomit, blood or something equally vile? Yes, I’ve had to lay yet another white shirt to rest after a guy at work managed to lose part of his finger. See, that alone probably wouldn’t really have much of an effect on me personally but the unrequested blood sample he so willingly gave me is another matter. Perhaps there’s some instinct that causes injured or unwell people to seek out the whitest outfit around and then proceed to ruin it, who knows…

As far as the finger severage goes, lets just say, sharp things and too many hands during autopsy are really not good… You see where this is going, right? Luckily it was only the top part of his finger although, as I’ve already suggested, it bled enough to ruin my shirt. As far as I know, the doctors just stuck it back on for him (would have been cool if they’d crazy glued it or something..) and it should be back to normal in a few weeks… That’s good, eh?

Oh and there’s something slightly scary about picking up a still warm piece of someones flesh. I kept thinking it was going to wriggle away from me or something… *shiver*

More of my pants – these things are getting quite full, eh?

• Hamster cheeks and cooties – Its not really my idea of fun but I do have some pretty spectacular cheek swelling, STILL. It’s been three weeks now! A little penicillin (even though it turns out I’m allergic and had to stop taking it), a little rest and lots of ice cream still aren’t helping. If my cheeks get any bigger there’s just no way I’m going to be able to get through that door. Its that or I’m going to end up charging children rent so they can take up residence in my mouth.
• anyone up for a little shopping in London? – I’m going to be spending Friday night, Saturday and part of Sunday in London this weekend to go to a wedding. I somehow managed to get my mom to agree to pay for my plane tickets ($4,500ish and that’s only business class!) on the condition I didn’t go crazy and spend a billion dollars while I was there. I *think* I can manage that!

  The last time I was planning on going to England was to see David and now he’s in the US, it feels strange to be going to his country without him! Maybe the weekend after I can go and kidnap him, bring him to New York and keep him all to myself for the summer…. Selfish? Who? Me? Never…

• Day time television - The lack of college over the summer inevitably leads to a slight increase in my levels of hoboism leaving me sitting at home watching some really great, crappy shows. Just a little taster of some of the “quality shows” I’ve enjoyed so far(please note, I have no idea what I was watching so I’ve made up appropriate titles!):
  1. The Ugly Model - There’s really not much to explain here. The girls mom was so confident in her daughters ability to model that she’d spent thousands and thousands of dollars on portfolios and limos to drive around in - She’d even hired a body guard (the girl was so ugly I’d imagine that was enough of a deterrent to any criminals).

     Just looking at this kid its obvious that a) her nose is too big b) her mouth is too small c) she’s too short d) she’s too fat… the list goes on. Not only that, her photos did not look nice (hardly surprising with a face/body like that) and the poor thing had absolutely no personality or intellect whatsoever.

     Anyway, towards the end of the show, they go and see an agent to discuss her “career” only to be told what I’ve already stated above and more. Let this be a lesson to you kids, if you’ve been turned down by eighteen different modelling agencies, its really time to give up!

  2. Gay marriage with a twist - Now to be perfectly honest I’m not all that sure what was going on but I’ll explain to the best of my ability. The program follows a couple preparing for their wedding and it turns out, the “bride” is a transsexual who was once married and has a son. In the run up to the wedding, she/he/it gets a card from his/her/its son saying that didn’t hate him/her/it but he didn’t want to know anything about him/her/it. In my eyes at least, that’s perfectly reasonable but for this “bride,” it seemed to be impossible to understand why the son didn’t want to know… I mean choosing to have nothing to do with your father who’s turned into your mother (in a literal sense) is really rather an usual reaction *rolls eyes*

  I didn’t even know people like this existed! I can’t decide whether it’s out of morbid curiosity, snobbiness or even just boredom that I’m choosing to watch this stuff but I am and its brilliant. BRING ON THE FREAKS

Vampire Effects, 911 and Religion

Morning all…

One day, one number and a hell of a lot of crazy people

Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached a terrible point in the history of the universe. That’s right, today is 6/6/06 which clearly means the devil is going to attack. Lets all put our tin foil hats on and write on the walls, the end is near. In all seriousness, I didn’t truly believe people thought that Satan was going to attack but apparently, I overestimated, yet again, the intelligence of the general population.

Lets all put our hands together and congratulate the church for this little conquest:

So as everyone knows, Satan’s day is coming up. Nothing this scary has ever happened, in the history of the world, ever. So what do we need to do? LET ME TELL YOU.
OMG…I want everyone to please PLEASE go around with their bibles and as many crucifixes as possible. At my school we are going to hold prayer circles and read from the bible during lunch and passing period. WE MUST NOT LET SATAN GET INTO THE SCHOOL. Okay? Please do everything you can to make sure the devil doesn’t get into the places of learning.

Thank you.

Next person to tell me the world is going to end will be beaten round the head with a bible. This is just another reason I hate religion. If you really must, please keep it well away from me because I just don’t want to know… I might be forced to bite your head off and be warned, I’m not planning on wearing a dress any time soon.

It’s not just that, really. It always seems people have to find something, anything, to make an issue out of. Take bird flu for example, when was the last time you heard anything about the disease that’s going to spread around the world and kill us all? Exactly.

People are just so, so gullible (or maybe I’m just cynical). See the news works like this, they all sit in their fancy little boardroom sipping coffee in cheap, ill-fitting suits, while “constructing” the days news. If for some wild reason, someone decides its just not interesting enough.. y’know, there aren’t any z-list celebrities having babies or sleeping with other equally unknown people, they’ll have a little browse through google and find something to make into an issue. C’mon, what’s the news without a little drama!

Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox now.

While we’re on the subject of religion and stupidity…

…we’re back to the Da Vinci Code. You would think, with all the media attention both the book and the movie have received, all those religious nuts would know whether or not they would be offended. I have two views about this (knowing me, it’ll be about 10 or 11 but anyway).

First, when you read this: “When a renowned expert from Harvard is called upon to help solve a mysterious murder at the Louvre in Paris, a powerful secret starts to slowly reveal itself. However, unless he solves it fast, a religious group will make sure it stays hidden forever.” and put it along side everything else you’ve heard about the Da Vinci code, is there something about it that possibly makes you think of a movie about cute fluffy bunnies and candy?

On a side note, I also found this little warning along side the movie listing: “Contains flagellation and other moderate violence.” I would LOVE to be able to say I’m mature (we’ll get back to that) but unfortunately, I’m just not there yet so here goes, when I first read that, my first thought was that flagellation was related to copulation and you can imagine the rest… I now have my giggles (and my maturity coat) under control, don’t you worry about me.

Getting back to the point, if you know you’re going to be offended by a movie, why on earth would you WILLINGLY go and watch it. Perhaps those folks who are opposed to such a movie just want something to bitch and moan about. C’mon, no one likes to be offended, do they? As an alternative, perhaps these people are just more easily offended by FICTIONAL characters, events and ideas. God forbid freedom of expression. Its just SO sinful.

So, I tried kissing myself in my sleep last night…

…things turned out a little, shall we say, bloody. You can stop the laughing now, I wasn’t really trying to kiss myself, although it has been suggested. Its slightly more cromulent now I’m all alone (David has gone away for t3h summer. I miss him terribly… ) BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT.

Anyway, I was having a slightly, “enjoyable” dream (if you have to ask, you just wouldn’t understand anyway) and when I woke up, I found myself with a mouthful of blood. Mmm, yummy. Any normal person would have gone and washed their mouth out as quickly as possible but I felt the need to let it run down my chin in a true horror movie style. It was more worth it than you can possibly imagine. I’m just pissed I didn’t take photos… I might take some of the really attractive bite marks on my tongue though…

In My Pants…

• Since today is Devils day, my boss has decided that I need to work along with everyone else on the planet, just incase the devil decides to strike… You never know with these things! Actually, I think its more out of concern for the goth kids who feel the need to cut and make a mess that we’re going to have to clean up. Hey ho, you never know, we might get lucky…
• I’ve passed yet another proficiency exam despite being unable to recall the uses of Ninhydrin. Its not like I was just doing it on college last week… Oh no wait, it was.The genius of the human mind, eh?
• I’ve written before about going on ride alongs with my friend and finally, with both his and Jonathans gentle but persistant prodding (its a bit like Chinese water torture), I’m going to do the whole EMT thing… You might want to rethink calling 911 in future, unelss of course you have a death wish. In that case, call away.

Balls, Whales and Nobel Prizes

My balls are prettier than your balls, David.

(I’m so awesome, I even made a clicky picture… Go on, click it. You know you want to… click it!)

I’m afraid it had to be done. What could possibly make you happier than photos (and movies) and 250,000 colored balls falling down a San Francisco street. Somehow I don’t think that’d work quite so well in New York we don’t have big enough hills BUT I’M DAMN WELL WILLING TO TRY. Bring on the balls!

Don’t forget, David, my balls will always be prettier than your balls. And on that note, Alie, my boyfriend will always be prettier than your boyfriend.

I win yet another Nobel Prize!

After discovering City Induced Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (CIADHD) I’ve come up with yet another Nobel prize worthy idea! This one however, regards global warming, more specifically, rising sea levels. Based on the idea of Archimedes bath, I propose we remove all the whales and other such large creatures from the oceans. Not only would sea levels drop, think of the endless fun there is to be had with the skeletons. Its practical too, think how much easier it would be to recreate scenes from Jonah and the Whale! Genius!

The man who made Ana’s arms hurt.

Returning to the subject of the man who made Ana’s arms hurt (TMWMAAH) I found myself at work nice and early this morning, sitting before the lord high commanders (My bosses…There are two!) to discuss the matter. Eek! Nothing like a little impending doom to brighten your day, eh? It turns out that he died of the same, heart-related thing(listen, don’t ask me medical stuff, I’m not a doctor (yet!)) as the relative he was there to see. He was only in his 30’s and probably didn’t know there was anything wrong in the first place which is always a bit sad.

Anyway, back to the doom room, they asked me a lot of questions and, being an honest widdle Anabelle, I told them what happened exactly as *I* saw it. Since I haven’t spoken to anyone else since it happened, I suspect my account wasn’t the same as everyone else’s but since I’m not terribly bothered about making friends with people who’d let someone die out of pure whimpishness, that’s okay. By the time I left, a few people were already asked to answer for their actions. Admittedly, they deserved it…

I might not be talking to you but free food… What the hell…

I was forced to attend a brunch on Tuesday for the father thing that I’m still not talking to. It’s a complicated situation but I’m not going to damage his reputation over something totally unrelated. After all, he does pay for me to do a hell of a lot and for that, I’m grateful. Actually, thinking about it, there’s always someone interesting to talk to, it’s just a question of wading through the masses of repulsively superficial people to get there.

I had to get up at some wonderful time of the morning when really, a little sleeping action wouldn’t have gone a miss but never mind, I got to talk to David . So anyway, I was with my mommy AND my daddy on one of those rare occasions I get to spend time with them both and as we walked in, I was confronted with an army of cloned, ignorant rich children. That’s certainly something that makes me want to run a mile. The people my age all seem to talk about which car their parents bought them or how tragic it is that they aren’t allowed that 3 million dress. It’s such a hard life, eh? I have to say though, I take great comfort in the fact that *MY* dress wasn’t worn by half a dozen other people there .

Since I’m just so wonderful, I spent all morning with people coming up to me saying “Its so wonderful to see you again.” Of course, if I met you three years ago, I’m going to remember you now! How gosh darn silly of me. This is where nodding and smiling finally has a use… Or maybe its just a case of grin and bear it. The hardest part was stopping myself from replying with “I’m sorry, have we even met before?” YOU’RE ALL JUST LUCKY I’M NICE WHEN I’M WEARING A DRESS.

And finally…

I’ve written a good part of this post while sitting in a hospital.. as you do. It seemed a little strange to be bringing my laptop but as I looked around, apparently I’m not the only one who decided I could use some of the time that would otherwise be wasted just sitting around. Its not so strange I suppose… after all, this is New York, the city the never sleeps.