Some things are best left to chance, others need ice

Every time I have something nice to say about humanity, a retard manages to change my mind. In order to “honor” this, I feel a retard of the week award is in order. Okay, well maybe retards of the week is slightly more appropriate.

The first retard award goes to the lady and her army of white trash who, as it suggests in the video “are the result of mating with vegetables.” After you watch the video, I think you’ll agree that there really is no need for further explanation. Direct your clickage here

The second award is also a joint award and goes to both my boyfriend and the guy who punched him in the face. There are some people who see my boyfriends job as a way to get themselves a ride in one of those nice, shiny, police cars. Asking for a ride or maybe buying him something pretty isn’t quite what these people had in mind. After all, their efforts may fail and then they’d really be screwed. What they want is a sure fire way to get the full experience. You know, the handcuffs, sirens, lights and maybe a gun or two pointed in their general direction. The simplest and most effective way to get this is to punch my boyfriend in the face and then again in the head - just in case…

Now, I’m not sure what kind of research has been done into stupidity but I’m reasonably certain it’s not contagious so I can’t blame the boy for what someone else did to him. What I can blame him for, is that, in an attempt to minimize any damage to his ego, he didn’t ice his face or do anything that might possibly help reduce the, uh, decline in aesthetic appeal of his face (to be nice)… Now he’s [temporarily] ugly (his cheek and eye are swollen and turning some interesting colors!), he expects loooooots of sympathy. Does [partly] self-inflicted unattractiveness really deserve it?

Finally, my last award goes to a lady I met at work. I walked past her in the hall, coughing (because of my asthma not cooties) and she stopped me to tell me that if I was sick, I shouldn’t be in the hospital. Absolute genius.

And now, because I don’t have time to post everything I wanted to, I leave with two things:

1. No one comments on my blog anymore - does that mean no one reads it?

2. I have a bunch of stuff to post about work, flying and my slightly insane family, all of which should be posted in the next couple of days. If it isn’t done by, uh, Friday, you’re invited to poke me with a very large “persuasion” stick.