Urgh, why do I bother?

Why do I bother taking advair if I still have to avoid anything that might trigger my asthma?

*grumble*

It’s so pointless.

(and yes, I’m grouchy because I’m packing and I don’t DO packing)

Just in case you miss me…

I, apparently, am not allowed enough time to write a whole blog post at the moment, just lots of bits of them. If you’re really desperate to find out what amazing (and when I say amazing, I mean stupid, irritating and just plain strange) people I’m meeting, click here.

It’s tons easier to update things when you can only write a sentence or two.

London (part 1)

In London, it was 80 degrees and sunny the whole time I was there, so when I arrived back in New York last night, imagine my “delight” when I was met with this. By the time I got into my apartment, my shoes were filled with water and my bags and everything in them was damp. I suppose that part was my fault… I’d had to dig around in the bottom of my purse while I tried to remember where I’d put my keys so I wouldn’t lose them. It’s always some really obscure place that seems like a good idea at the time. You know, the main part of your purse, for example.

I opened the door to my apartment expecting a rush of paws, ears and fur only to be met with two very exasperated looking dogs. It was as if they were saying “do you realize how long we’ve been waiting here, young lady? We heard you outside, you know” only, obviously it would be in French because Bo, at least, doesn’t speak English. Obviously.

I stepped over the wall of precisely two dogs and left them judging the door instead. I could, of course, have stepped around them but I was trying to make a point… To, uh, a pair of small dogs. Oh.

In London, thankfully, there were no small dogs to judge me when I came home later than expected. I didn’t have to explain why, when I brought a number of bags of shopping home, none of them contained doggie treats either.

I feel like I should explain this whole running away to London. A few months ago, I was in need of some inspiration, for lack of a better word. Perhaps it was more reassurance that moving over there was the right decision but either way, I was doubting myself. Now, having just started a new job, the chance of being given the time off work was smaller than a nano flower so I tried to push it to the back of my mind. I figured that eventually, something would happen to help me decide one way or another.

So, weeks later, everyone was arguing over who got to work over easter. Apparently work means far more to a lot of people than a chance to sit back and relax, you know, doing something like bungee jumping or skydiving. My boss who, by now, was looking slightly… puffier than usual asked if I would mind taking that weekend off. I told him I didn’t have a problem with it at all but then remembered that it was a big deal and should probably seem slightly disappointed so I looked at my feet and, well, acted disappointed. I think he was gone by the time I’d figured out what disappointed looked like but at least I tried.

And that’s how and why I got to go to London. Now, it would have been easy just to go and spend some time shopping or enjoying some English candy, but it wouldn’t really tell me whether or not I wanted to work there. What if their medicine was backwards, upside down and boring? Eventually, after harassing many, many people quite gently over MSN, I was offered a few days following an English doctor, you know, just in case they have three heads over there. Or something.

When I met him, I discovered that he did not, in fact have three heads. I’ll admit I was a little disappointed but also fairly relieved he was normal enough that I didn’t have to worry about leaving alive. He did, however, have a funny accent although I have a feeling that just how English people speak.

One of the first patients was an 18 month old baby with an ear infection. It wasn’t anything I’d hadn’t seen before, but the baby’s sister/nanny seemed to be overly attached to him, as if she was his mother. After they left, the doctor (who will now be known as English Doctor or ED for short) asked how old I thought the girl was. She seemed too young to be his mom but not that young so I offered a guess at 19. He laughed and told me that “mom is 17.” And then my innocence bubble burst.

It’s not that I didn’t know there were 17 year old girls in the world with babies, its just I’ve never met one before. In fact, in the two days I was with ED I saw one pregnant 16 year old, two 17 year olds with babies and one 18 year old with a three year old. I was really surprised to meet so many young people with children. At 19, I don’t think I could cope with having one.

Another patient that sticks in my mind was a man in his 60’s who’d spent four weeks with bloody diarrhea. He explained that his wife had been sick and was very stressed about it so he’d been taking care of her. Instead of worrying her about something “that is probably nothing, anyway” he’d put it off until she went into hospital so that he wouldn’t have to tell her about it.

Despite the fact his clothes were hanging loosely around him, he insisted his appetite was fine and that he hadn’t lost weight. He could have been telling the truth and just liked his clothes that way but I doubt it. When ED told him it was “most likely something bad,” the man seemed far more concerned about who would take care of his wife.

It really bothers me that he felt that he couldn’t tell his wife that he was sick. I mean, sure it hurt her for a while but surely upsetting her and surviving would be better than not upsetting her and dropping dead a few months later.

When I asked ED why he never told the man he probably had cancer, he replied; “A patient only remembers 10% of what you tell them. If you use words like cancer, no matter what the context, it’s likely that cancer will be the only thing they remember. I don’t like my patients to worry until I’m sure they have something to worry about.” I think that’s possibly one of the most useful things I’ve learned in a loooooong time.

ED told me on Friday that the man had missed his appointments at the hospital and that he’d never called back about his test results. If it were me, I think I’d want to know so that there was an answer one way or another. I’d hate to leave something like that to a point it couldn’t be treated only to find that I would have survived if I’d gone back to the doctor. If it were you, what would you do?

Happy New Year

Having finally got out of holiday mode (read: lazy mode), I feel like writing a post. I suppose insomnia generated boredom is a bit of a kick in the ass too but either way, you’re getting your post.

Despite being forced into a small space (I say small space, I really mean a house smaller than the size of Manhattan although infinitely more difficult to navigate) with my family for the holidays. It’s not that I don’t like them, I can just… only deal with them in small doses before they drive me nuts. You know, the kind of nuts where you feel you should be in a padded room rocking gently. It didn’t get to the point I was imagining a straitjacket, which, just because I feel like sharing, I am able to escape from… How’s that for a party trick?

I’ve decided that this year, just because I enjoy being different and awkward, my new years resolution is going to be something somewhat less specific than eating well or working out. This year, my resolution is to find the drive and motivation I lost a long time ago. I’m not really sure how I’m going to determine success or failure but I suppose getting where I want to be is the ultimate goal. Well, I want enjoy getting there as well as being there… Oh and, because there’s no way I can’t factor in a little geek, I’m also going to learn at least one programming language properly. Now I’ve made all the necessary declarations, I feel happy enough that someone will put their foot up my ass if I forget them, not that they can actually be measured or rated…

I have two little spaniels with four little paws each. These little paws make little “clicks” on the floor as they walk around, the advantage of this being, there is no way they can creep up on you. The situation is a little different when you can’t hear their paws due to some kind of iPoddage. It seems to allow them to fly onto the couch next to you (or into the back of your laptop *snicker*) without warning or, in the case of the puppy, to struggle up onto the back of the couch and creep across to my head where she can put her cold, wet nose behind my innocent ears. I’m going to wash my hair when I finish writing this.

The new years party:

• I managed to get two enormous bruises (one on my leg, the other on my arm) at a new years party. I don’t remember how I got them, despite the fact I didn’t have anything at all to drink. Is it wrong of me to actually want to be able to call them UDIs? (unidentified drinking injuries)
• I’m amazingly bad at matching names to faces. Luckily, about 90% of guys at the new years party had one of three names giving me 1/3 of a chance of succeeding. Luckily, most of them ended up too drunk to care anyway
• I thought it would be a good idea to give my number to people without getting their names. This led to a hell of a lot of confusion when everyone started texting me the next morning. It wasn’t helped by the fact everyone had the same name and in the end, I found myself asking people what color shirt they were wearing. See, I can match names to shirts!
• I stole a number of ties and hats from people, many of which I still have. I also have Bradley’s coat, which I borrowed when I realized that a corset, hot pants and a very teeny top hat weren’t very warm. For the record, it was a pimps and hos party, it’s not my normal style!

At the moment, work isn’t so bad. January 1st was my one year anniversary of working there and also the day a bunch of new people started. So not only does that mean I’m no longer a n00b, I actually have people asking me for help instead of me asking them. I finally feel that I might actually be useful. Despite that, someone still managed to fuck up something that seems oh so simple, resulting in a group of us, including me, not getting paid. After talking to my boss who promised to deal with it, I’m expecting a nice big paycheck – I’m waiting for two months money PLUS whatever I’m supposed to get for working over Christmas. When I finally get my hands on it, I’m going to buy myself a nice, big new years gift. Just because…

Happy New Year (even if I am a week late)

Oww

I forgot I was wearing a bracelet this morning, so when I went to trapeze class (yes, as in what they do in the circus), what was the one thing I didn’t remove? So, you know… I got up there and was swinging about quite happily and getting somewhat over confident when I slipped off the bar. Do I really have tell you what caught and made a nice little groove in my arm?

The moral of the story? “please remove all jewelery” isn’t just for shits and giggles… *ahem*

Melon Heart Along

It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey here… If we’re lucky, it’ll snow in the next few days, meaning, it’s still cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey but it looks pretty outside, which is very important. Not even Switzerland was this cold. *shiver*

I promised I’d tell the story of my new roommate so here goes… Hannah and I met over a corpse a few months ago (all perfectly legal I’ll have you know!). Its not exactly the most common way of meeting friends but it seems to have worked for us. So after many mornings sat in dingy coffee shops around New York discussing the finer points of life, the universe and everything, we got onto the subject of shoes. So how do shoes lead to living together? Well, its perfectly simple, Hannah’s apartment was too small and so full of boys, her shoes were homeless. In my apartment, however, I didn’t have enough shoes to fill the space to maintain a healthy shoe-space balance. Obviously, the fact we were both in such serious and life threatening situations, the only possible cure would be for her to move in here.

Its a little strange living together but we’re getting the hang of it. We both work awkward hours, which usually result in one of us being asleep when the other one gets home. It’s not that difficult… I mean you just come in quietly and don’t bang the doors and such but its not really that simple. See, we’ve both developed this amazing inability to enter/leave the apartment without making the dogs bark and run around in little circles. Well, that or we just trip over things and yell the first four-letter word we can think of – it’s not particularly elegant but who said we have to be?

It’s not all bad though. She and I are both enormous geeks – we even have our own little computer room! Anyway, one night, she left the apartment saying that she’d be gone for “quite a while” and not to worry. At the time, I was somewhat involved with chasing the puppy who’d decided running around the apartment with one of my bras was a really great idea and didn’t think anything of it… -many hours later-
I’m happy pretending to be a giant ball of blankets and pillows when Hannah comes and starts poking me and yelling “I got a Wii, I got a Wii!” you know, as you do. It’s a really normal thing to tell someone at 3am, right? Well, not really. In fact, I didn’t really know what she was talking about and pointed at the bathroom telling her to go if she really needed to. The poking continues while she explains she’s just spent 10,000 hours in Times Square waiting to get a Wii and now she’s got one, she’s going to drag me out of bed so I can “try it out” with her.

EVERYONE NEEDS A WII FOR CHRISTMAS, KTHX.

Anyway, moving along… My family aren’t American and so we don’t really have any interest in Thanksgiving but a holiday is a holiday whether or not you believe in it. Given that only tourists and children hang around in the cold to see the parade and only stupid people brave black Friday, my mom and I decided Switzerland would be a nice place to hide from it – we’re just that cool. In general, things were pretty good although the food poisoning on the flight home was somewhat unneeded.

Shockingly, I think that was the worst “injury” the whole trip. For some reason Ralph and I figured we’d go onto the glacier with a bunch of people then ski as fast as possible while trying to grab each others hats. Yeah… it’s not as easy as it sounds. When you go shooting past someone, by the time you’ve got their hat, your body is miles away and it usually results in you *and* the person who’s hat is being grabbed ending up in a nice big heap. Still, it was fun.

So, moving on, in my pants today:

• It is 28F (-2.2C for Id and Craig) here right now and that’s just a teensy bit cold. Still not snowing though… This displeases Me.
• Hannah and I have decided that Hebrew sounds nicer than English for certain things so we use a mix of the two languages. I think the best thing about it is the confused looks we get off people… Or when they try and copy and get it horrifically wrongI’m not going to use names because it might embarrass Nick and I’m far too nice for that. One afternoon, Nick was feeling a little bit left out and so I agreed to teach him something really basic… I think for a minute and then say:

  “barukh attah adonai eloheinu melekh ha-olam borei peri hagafen”
  (It’s a blessing thingy… and the first thing I ever learned)

  “Hah, this is easy” Nick says and he starts… “Barukh attah adonai eloheinu melonheartalong borei peri hagafen”

  Well. I don’t think there’s a lot else to be said there. *ahem*

• As a joke, Bradley invited me to go play ice hockey with him and some of his friends thinking that I’d say no. You know how it is… Ice, sticks and skates are really very scary. Anyway, I said yes (because I’m cool like that) and now I think he thinks I’m a boy. Or something.
• I want snow, I want snow, I want snow. Where the hell is my snow?!
• At the moment, I feel the need to knit a very big sweater. For those of you who don’t watch anything worth watching on TV and don’t understand, click. That said, I’m hoping to be taking a sneaky little trip to visit a mystery guy… And I’m not going to say anything else about that.
• Oh, while we’re on the subject of trips, am I the only person in the world who *hates* English tourists? I was sitting eating breakfast in a non-tourist place (you know, places where it doesn’t cost 3,000 dollars for juice and the food is actually good) in a non-tourist area (well, as non tourist as you can get in Manhattan) when a group of English people walk in. I then spend the next half hour listening to them discussing the finer points of French Toast and how French Toast is something different there. Things moved along as their food arrived and they started commenting on how they get given so much food here, they’re not surprised American’s are fat. These were some enormous tourists who could give any “large” American a run for their money… And, after all that complaining, they ate everything put in front of them… Morons.Don’t even get me started on how rude they are. Walking along the street through a bunch of English people is more dangerous than the Pamplona bull run. I think the need to shove people is genetic or something.

  Not only that but who the hell wears a fanny pack?

Ah, its good to be back *and* bitter.

Gone Fishin’

…well, snowboarding, actually.

So until I get back, here is a very shortened version of my next post:
I get a roommate.
There’s a little Wii-ing in Times Square
Things get a little dirty at work
The trip almost gets cancelled
I brave travel with the gruppen fuhrer (otherwise known as mommy)
…and if I take any, I’ll post some photos of Switzerland.

See you in a week!

Rappers, Birdie Bits and a whole lot of shivering

I warn you before I even start, this post isn’t going to be much more than words falling out my brain (Or fingers if I’m typing?)… Its an exercise in procrastination

I don’t know if I’m the only one who’s noticed it but New York has suddenly turned very cold. So cold, in fact, I’ve been rather tempted to wear my bed outside. I’ll admit though, from under 16 layers of clothes and a three scarves, I love the winter. I always feel like I have more energy when its cold, plus, the clothes are so much nicer and more comfortable than in the summer. I’ll take this opportunity to mention that I grew up in Australia where you’re lucky to have three snowflakes every 5 or so years so living in NY (where you get some REAL snow. Well, without having to fly for 1000 hours to get it is) is still quite a novelty for me.

I did find though, one morning when I was on my way home from work, my fingers got so cold, I couldn’t scroll up or down on my iPod. Click wheels apparently need heat – something I don’t store too well. I could really use some gloves (mom – hint hint hint) or a coffee (Nick – hint hint hint).

Anyway, moving on, I woke up this morning with a crumpled copy of New Scientist stuck to my face (I suppose that’s a geek version of falling asleep while looking at porn) and the horrific smell of dead animal drifting through my apartment. Given the fact I live with two dogs, I was somewhat concerned one of them had decided to, well… you know. Nevertheless, with a little looking around, I found the older dog snoring on my now dead feet and the puppy tucked in the other side of my bed* giving me the “yes? May I help you?” look.

So, being super and such, I peel the magazine off my face (leaving most of the print on my cheek), flick the dog off my feet and hobble downstairs to find out what smells so… Fragrant. Lets just say, there were rather a lot of “chunks” of what looks as though it may have been a bird scattered about the place with some very clear little paw prints running through the blood. Paw prints, which belong to my 10″ tall puppy…

The only way she could have gotten hold of the bird would have been to snatch it off one of the window ledges and drag it inside. See, the whole reason I have dogs is because they’re NOT SUPPOSED TO CATCH BIRDS AND BRING THEM IN but it would seem I actually bought a cat-dog by the name of Bojangles. Anyway, I cleaned things up (rather well I might add) and then went back to bed… Well, I tried. Just as I was going back to sleep, the covers moved and Bo emerged from hiding, her snout and paws crispy with dried birdie blood, to proudly present me with a bloody bird wing, which she dropped right into my hand.

ANYBODY WANT TO BUY A CAT-DOG?

Note: I got some revenge on lady Bo by dropping her into a bath to decrisp her. I’m sure smelling like flowers and being all clean and fluffy isn’t quite how a savage beast would like to look. *snicker* I also really wish I’d taken some photos because when you drop a spaniel in water, they lose about 2/3 of their size until they’re dry again… Its all the fur, you see.

On a final note (as I can’t avoid doing my toxicology stuff any longer), I will leave you with this video which shows exactly why I think rappers are douche bags. Click. I’m not exactly sure who Kanye West is but he seems to make a pretty big ass out of himself there… Anyway, knock yourselves out.

Oh, and even more finally, everyone with a mac *needs* to download Inquisitor and anyone without a mac *needs* to buy one just so they can use it. Enjoy.

*I will be washing my sheets later. In fact, I might just burn them and buy new ones.

Someone give me a hug

A couple of days ago, some moronic teenager punched out my car window in an attempt to look cool, as you do… It’s not great when you want to go to work but it’s not the end of the world. Since the whole plastic taped over the window look isn’t exactly the kind of thing I was going for (and its far too cold to have the window open) I called the place I got it from and they said they’d come get it the next day, fix it and bring it back. Excellent, I thought as I hurried downstairs to remove the balled up Kleenex and empty coffee cups from my car… See what a kind and considerate person I am?

So, the next day, a man appears at my door, takes the key and steals my car for a little while. The morning he left, the car had 3/4 of a tank of gas… When it was returned this afternoon, there was barely 1/4 left. Not only that, they’d retuned my radio, covered the car in dust/dirty and someone had smoked in there (No one EVER smokes in my car, EVER). Oh, and finally, before I forget, these morons seem to have wiped their oily, greasy hands ALL OVER MY CREAM LEATHER SEATS.

As soon as I’m less inclined to inflict pain on the ape that inflicted such harm on my car, I’m going to call them and make a very very very big deal out of it. I even have photos and everything…

I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW.

On another note, the searches leading people to my blog this month seem to be slightly more interesting. They are as follows:

“Eat the strawberries”

Penis drawings (of course, I had to get those penis drawings in there somewhere)

Cheerios

“Kid was so fat”

Penis gore – I think of all of them, I find this the most worrying.

Oh, and on a final note, the cold is making my ribs sore… I feel like a creaky old lady.

Lame.

Penis drawings, adult footise pyjamas and birthday surprizes for those unable to flirt

As I sit here and write this, my puppy is alternating between sitting on my shoulder and lying on my arms as she oversees my work. Okay, as she watches the cursor move across the screen. In dog world though, aren’t they the same thing?

There are some very strange people visiting my blog at the moment. In the time since my last post, I have had:

• Nine people searching for “Penis drawings”
• Three people searching for “Adult footsie pyjamas”
• One person looking for “Plans for birthday surprizes”
• One person searching “unable to flirt”

To those searching for penis drawings, may I recommend the New York Subway, the desks at my college or maybe even just take a little walk down a darkened alley. Be sure to take an adult with you to hold your hand though kids, there are some mean penis drawings out there..

For the three people who found my blog searching for adult footsie pyjamas, perhaps this is what you were looking for. I’m not sure they sell the ones with floppy bunny ears and a tail but I’m sure it’s worth a shot. If any of you are looking to impress someone special in those raunchy pyjamas of yours, they do them in leopard print too! Hell, why not even get them as a little birthday surprise for someone… Surprise…? yes. Good surprise…? maybe not.

Finally, for Mr lonely, I’m sure you can find a starting point to get to know one of the many people who have come here in the hope they’ll find a phallic drawing. Keep on hoping guys, you sure won’t find one here.

And now onto far more pressing matters. A little over a week ago, I was having one of those days (you know… the ones where you go to work) and my iPod decided it had finally had enough of being poked, prodded and filled with Linux so it decided to die on me. I tried to reset, update and restore but nothing worked. One day outside of the guarantee and he was gone.

I’m sure apple have some sort of remote “iPod crippling” device that kills them off so you have to buy a new one. I mean really, who can live without a little music on the way to and from work? So anyway, the next morning, I pootled off to the apple store and handed over my credit card (which at the time was screaming) in exchange for a shiny new ear friend. I am now the proud new owner of a remastered iPod Nano. The photos don’t really do it justice, they’re really rather cute.

A few thoughts on my new toy are as follows:

1. The new packaging is far better. No ugly silver foil envelopes you just can’t open without scissors, no 100 different sections to root through before you find what you want… Just plain, hot, beautiful packaging.
2. new headphones. I *still* think they look as though they have some kind of genetic disorder, however, the grey bits are now soft rubber and the sound is much better than the old ones. They’re more comfy too.
3. the new casing of the iPod its self. It looks much, much, much better “in person” than in photos as you can actually appreciate how tiny it really is. There’s none of that iPod mini clunkiness going on… Nope.

   On the downside though, the layout on the bottom of the nano is different so the previous headphones (the ones that you can hang around your neck) and such don’t quite fit which is slightly annoying. You choice of color is also limited by the size of the iPod you want to buy, for example, the 8GB nano only comes in black and the 2GB is only in silver.

4. the brighter screen. I’m really not sure what’s going on here. Its possible I’m just completely blind but I’m really not seeing the difference. Okay, well, I am but its so minute, its more likely to be due to the fact the screen on my old iPod is filthy.
5. Search! Finally! I cannot tell you how long I’ve waited for a search feature on an iPod. Its cute, well integrated and works brilliantly. Very, very fast too. No complaints here!
6. Letters when you’re scrolling. When you scroll through your song list reasonably fast, a grey, semi-transparent box appears showing the letter you’re browsing through… VEEEEEEEERY useful if you’re looking for something and keep missing songs starting with “m” etc… You get the idea.
7. The battery life… holy mother of God, I’ve been listening to my iPod for 6 or 7 hours now and the battery meter at the top isn’t even 1/4 of the way down. That ladies and gentlemen is impressive.

-fin-

Things in general, though, seem to be at a total standstill. I’m stuck trying to find entertainment to pass the time until I can leave New York and study abroad. I’m certain my current job is not something I really want to continue for the rest of my life although I can just about bear it until I leave next summer… Besides, money is money no matter which sin you stab in the butt to get it.

Money however, cannot buy you out of boredom or insomnia. Thankfully, for that there is Java and Ruby as well as physics and math – Did I mention I wear my pants up to my armpits, have milk bottle glasses and snort when I laugh? Okay, not quite but one day… One day, I will turn into a geekified version of my mother. (That blood-curdling scream you just heard? Yeah, that was me realizing my fate!)

In my very loose pants:

• I have finally learned about Male Restroom Etiquette thanks to this informative YouTube video. Go on, give it a try… Apparently peeing is somewhat complicated for the simple minded half of the species
• I swear to God, I’m not a man hater, just a man not interesteder. For now at least, until someone utterly incredible, gorgeous and rich (joke) comes along, I will have nothing to do with penis “graced” humans on any level above that of a friend. On second thoughts, maybe I’ll add penis “graced” dogs to my list as well… No one likes to go to a friends place and leave with sticky shoes.
• I’m really rather tempted to take part in NaNoWriMo. Who says writing a novel in a month isn’t possible? Uh… me. Besides, who would want to read 175 pages of my ramblings?
• My mother will never continue to amaze me. After spending a few (maybe 6+ a day) working when I really didn’t need to be, I feel a bit run down. My mom of course, is there to help me a little bit as she stands making helpful comments such as “Ana you look really bad, you should go to bed” but then watching me as I struggle to put the sheets on so I can in fact, get some sleep.
• Hopefully, I’ll have a new car by the weekend, which of course, is incredibly useful when I live in Manhattan and drive maybe once or twice a month. That won’t stop me though. Turning down the offer of a free car is insane and I therefore refuse to do so. My logic is, as ever, utterly flawless.

…and now to return to the joys of New York living. Take out sushi!